Don't Look Back
(A Sadie Saga)
Chapter One: Jewel
"Are you in here again?"
Sylvina Martescu pushed the door of the study open gently, casting the room's sole occupant a scolding grin. "You're beginning to spend every evening we're home on that thing, Topaz...who are you talking to? Cameron?"
"I was." Topaz, or Aurora Stapleton, glanced up from the computer, meeting her friend's smile with a frown. "I was thinking over this whole situation last night, Syl. I mean, I came so close to telling him the truth at Vi's wedding. Really close. And part of me feels like such a creep chatting online with him and telling him I love him when I say goodbye...when I'm keeping such a big deal from him. But then again, how can I tell him? He'll come rushing over here and jack in his degree and then I'd feel even worse. I know it's not what he wants right now."
"It's up to you." Sylva put a hand on the older girl's shoulder. "But it's gonna take some explaining when the kid's born. Not only that, Topaz, but the press are already suss. You're not gonna keep this hidden much longer, you know. The rumours have already begun."
"I know." Topaz set the mouse down on the desk, pushing the keyboard under as she shut the computer down. It was some months since a miscalculation on her part had changed the singer's life forever. Now almost five months pregnant, the Canadian was both excited and apprehensive about becoming a mother, and matters had not been helped by the problem of the baby's father. Cameron Milligan had been her boyfriend long distance for some time, and she loved him with all her heart, but it was this misguided love that had kept her from telling him the truth, scared that if he were to know he would ruin his chances of achieving his dreams as a doctor and rush out to America.
"Normally I'd be bouncing around wanting to tell them everything about it, because it's such a big thing in my life and I'm so excited about it. I'm just afraid of what will go across the atlantic. I think I made up my mind, Syl, that I'm not saying anything to him. Maybe one day I will find a way to tell him the truth and he'll probably hate me, but still, that;s what I'm going to do. I love him...I'm not going to ruin his entire future because I can't count days properly."
"Don't be so downcast." Sylva hugged her friend tightly. "Did you talk to Sadie tonight? She usually cheers you up."
"No. Didn't see her. I figured she was out with Cece or something." Topaz shook her head. "She's been odd this week anyway. I don't know what's wrong, she hasn't told me." Topaz had made the acquaintance of Sadie Monahue when the group had been touring England the previous November and the two girls had kept in touch via the internet. Despite their miles apart and their different worlds, they had become good friends, and often would confide things in each other that they might not feel able to tell anyone face to face. "I hope she's not being funny about the baby. I mean, I only told her about it last Wednesday. I wasn't going to worry her with it - not since we've chatted sometimes three way and she and Cameron know each other now - but I kinda slipped up and mentioned my scan this coming Friday, and she wanted to know what I was going to be scanned for."
"Well, how did she react?"
"She seemed really excited." Topaz reflected. "We had voicechat on and she squealed louder than you do when you find designer boots on sale."
"Then I hardly think it'll be that." Sylva perched on the desk. "Did you explain to her your dilemma?"
"Yeah. She thought the whole thing very romantic at the time." Topaz agreed. "I don't know though, Syl. I can't help but feel something's up with the girl."
"That psycho ex of hers, perhaps?"
"I hope not." Topaz shivered. "He sounds like a real nutcase."
"We're going to the Red Rock for dinner, by the way - that's what I came up to say." Sylva grinned at this moment, as she remembered her original errand. "Are you coming? We're going to split the cheque."
"Sure." Topaz nodded. "Could do with a nice evening chilling with friends." She grimaced. "After all, we have a busy schedule all the rest of the week, don't we? What with this show and that show and one interview here, another there. And everyone is gonna want the scoop on who knocked up Jewel's lead singer."
"You don't have to tell them."
"True, but they'll make guesses anyway." Topaz sighed, getting to her feet. "Okay, let me get my coat and put my shoes on. I'll unplug the machine and see you by the door in a few, okay? I want to touch up my makeup and make sure my hair isn't a haystack. Noone is going to say I've let myself go, whatever else they're saying."
"You show 'em." Sylva grinned. "We can handle press, right?"
"Well, I hope so." Topaz nodded her head.
"Then I'll see you downstairs." Sylva responded. "Don't fret, either! We're gonna have a nice meal all girls together and forget about any hassle."
"Well, if you say so." A smile touched Topaz's lips. "Thanks, Syl. Hormones are crappy things."
"I'd noticed." Sylva winked. "But we love you all the same. Just smile, huh? World ain't ending yet!"

 "Sadie, are you even on the same planet as the rest of us this morning?" Jessica Young paused in putting letters in various pigeonholes, casting her companion an amused look. "Unless you've forgotten your alphabet overnight, you should know that D does not go in the M box."
Her friend started at her words, looking sheepish when she realised what she had done.
"Sorry. Not concentrating." She admitted, retrieving the offending envelope and putting it into the correct slot. "I haven't been sleeping so good lately, I guess it's catching up with me."
"What's up?" Jessica looked concerned. Though she and Sadie had worked together at the Halfway House for teens recovering from various drug problems, their own situations were very different. Whilst Sadie had been through the trauma of a drug habit herself, Jessica's own experience came from growing up with a mother who had spent most of her life battling various addictions. Though neither were trained psychologists, the girls and boys at the house trusted in them because they understood, and the establishment had provided Sadie with the new lease of life she had needed.
Sadie had a dreamy kind of prettiness, with long wavy white-blond hair, neatly pulled back into two braids and tied at the ends with pink bands to keep it out of her face. Her eyes were a deep blue colour, and it was these which most often betrayed the girl's emotions, for when she was happy they sparkled like sapphires. At twenty two years old, she had put the drugs and crime of her teenage years well behind her and had begun to slowly rebuild her life, with the help of her beloved elder sister, Alyssa, and her family. Alyssa had two daughters, with a third baby on the way, and Sadie was devoted to them.
"Oh, bad dreams." Sadie shrugged the matter off with a half hearted smile. "Nothing major, Jess. Just one of those things."
"Speaking as a counsellor, Sadie, you shouldn't bottle it up if it's bugging you and keeping you from sleeping." Jessica pointed out as the two girls returned to the recreation lounge to tell the teenage residents that their post was ready for collecting. "But then I'm sure you know that."
"Well, considering I spend one morning each week talking to Irene, not to mention spilling my guts for the kids here and having a big sister fussing over me all the time, I'd say that everyone already hears too much of my business." Sadie retorted. Then she bit her lip. "Ugh, that came out bad. I'm sorry, Jess. Tired."
"Well, make sure you get some sleep tonight, huh?" Jessica smiled. She was an easy going soul, and not prone to easily taking offence.
Sadie rolled her eyes.
"I'll do my best." She promised. "I'm sleeping at Aly's tonight, anyhow. She and Andrew are gonna be out till late at some corporate do of his and I'm sitting for Sharita and Megan. Guess that means rooting out their favourite disney DVDs and getting ready to play barbies all night."
"Sounds like fun." Jessica laughed. Sadie nodded.
"Can be." She agreed. "But not when Im dead tired. Oh well. I do love them to bits, I suppose. And it is going to be strange for them both when Aly has the baby. Shari remembers Meg being born but Meg's never been through anything like this."
"You have such a nice family." Jessica observed with a slightly wistful smile.
"How is your Mum?" Sadie asked gently.
"Oh, not so bad, actually." Jessica responded. "She seems to have found a therapist who works for her and she's been doing a lot better recently."
"That's good." Sadie grinned. Jessica nodded.
"Well, I hope so." she agreed. "You know Mum. She tries, bless her, but her willpower has never been as focused as yours."
"I wouldn't call me at all focused at the moment." Sadie rolled her eyes, pushing open the door of the main lounge. "Hey, kids, mail's in!"
"Kids, are we?" Chevonne, a tall girl of seventeen and a half raised an eyebrow, casting Sadie an impish grin. In Chevonne Sadie had found a friend for life, for so many things in the girl's troubled past reminded her of her own drug days. Chevonne trusted in Sadie like she did noone else, and it was this trust that had held Sadie on the straight and narrow better than anything, for she would not let her charge down. Chevonne was putting her life back together, attending classes at a local college and examining career pamphlets with some interest, and Sadie knew she would be one of the Halfway House's successes. She was already planning to move out in the world when she was eighteen, and had confided in Sadie that she would most like to come back to the centre and help others the way she had been helped.
"Well, if the cap fits." Sadie retorted at her now.
"Is there any post for me or shall I not bother getting up?" Chevonne asked.
"Nothing today." Jessica shook her head. "Are you expecting something?"
"Nah, not really." Chevonne shook her head. She pulled a face. "Tony's probably got a love letter from that sicko girlfriend of his from the restaurant he's working at. She must be weird in the head."
Jessica looked amused, for Tony was the same age as Chevonne and the two were great friends as well as sparring partners. Sadie had often joked that they'd wind up together, but that idea had been somewhat upset three weeks earlier when Tony had asked out one of the waitresses at the restaurant he had been working at for the previous two months.
"I don't think Tony has any mail either." Sadie shook her head. "Where is he, anyhow?"
"Who cares?" Chevonne shrugged, scooping up her magazine. "Hey, Sadie, you look blitzed. What were you doing last night?"
"Trying to sleep?" Sadie rolled her eyes. "Why is everyone on at me about looking like a zombie this morning? It's bad enough I feel like one."
Chevonne frowned, gauging her companion thoughtfully, then getting to her feet, linking arms in the counsellor's and leading her outside into the centre garden, away from the bustle of the main lounge. To Chevonne, Sadie was the big sister she didn't have, and she was determined not to let her stew.
"Hey, you can tell me, you know." She said offhandedly.
"Tell you what? Nothing to tell." Sadie looked startled. "Why have we come out here, Chevonne? Did you want to talk to me about something?"
"Yeah. You acting like a bear with a sore head would be a good start." Chevonne nodded. She lit up a cigarette, offering one to her companion who hesitated, then accepted one, allowing the teenager to light it for her. "I needed a fag and you look like you need a friend, or some sleep, or both. How in hell are you gonna play counsellor to us if you can't counsel yourself to get some kip, huh?"
"Look, Chevonne, I really would rather not talk about it." Sadie sighed, sitting down on the bench and taking a drag on the cigarette. "It's none of your business and you have enough to deal with."
"How'm I s;posed to trust and confide in you if you ain't setting the example?" Chevonne demanded. "Come on, Sadie, practice what you preach. You tell us talking things out helps - so talk, dammit! I ain't got anyplace I'm going - there's plenty of time."
Sadie bit her lip.
"I'll get into trouble. I'm not supposed to be pushing my problems on you unless it's relevant to something you're going through." She said at length.
"Well, let's say it is then." Chevonne shrugged, inhaling on her own cigarette. "Because if you worry yourself sick I won't have anyone to talk to and then where would I be, huh? So you forget about it and tell me what's eating you. I know this isn't like you, Sadie, because you're usually nice to everyone, not snapping people's heads off."
"I have a migraine and I didn't get much sleep." Sadie replied softly, flicking ash absently onto the grass. "That's all. It happens like that sometimes...things get to you and you can't get off no matter what you do."
"Only if something's bothering you." Chevonne shook her head. "See, when I first came here, right, I didn't sleep much at all. I bit everyone's head off and wound up in fits of tears out here on the bench where you found me and talked sense into me. Now you're doin' the same thing! I had plenty of crap I needed to get out of me before I turned into a sane person again. You never tell us about you, though, unless it's relating to something specific. I know you took drugs and I know you went to jail but I don't know much else and I'd like to. Besides, it's that which is bugging you, ain't it?"
"You know, you are gonna make one heck of a counsellor here if you get your way." Sadie raised a glimmer of a smile. Chevonne blew a lazy cloud of smoke in her companion's direction, shrugging.
"Need the practice." She observed. "So spill. What's doing?"
"Chevonne, have you ever had a thing with a guy who you know is bad news?"
"Sure. Lots of times." Chevonne agreed. "Why?"
"With a guy who...well, you know, hit you?"
Chevonne's eyes widened with shock.
"You telling me some creep's beating you up?" She exclaimed.
"For heaven's sake, keep your voice down!" Sadie hissed, her expression becoming anxious. "No, or at least, not yet."
"Noone'd dare try to beat the crap outta me." Chevonne decided. "But what do you mean, not yet?"
"I dated a guy who was violent and kinda possessive, back when I was in the drug scene." Sadie said slowly. "I haven't seen the guy for a long time, Chevonne, but from time to time he calls me, leaves messages on my answer phone just to spook me out. Thing is, I figured it was just the phonecalls, so I got my number changed and everything was cool. Then one of my old friends told me that my ex knew where I was living, and was coming to Birmingham. Since then I haven't slept or ate properly...I'm scared out of my mind."
Chevonne's pretty face darkened and she muttered an unpleasant epithet under her breath.
"So tell the cops." She said finally. "All you can do."
"'s not as simple as that." Sadie sighed, taking a long drag on her cigarette. "See, I know stuff this guy would rather I didn't know, if you see what I mean. Stuff that could get me into a lot of trouble too, if I was to tell the police. Oh, don't worry," As Chevonne's expression became incredulous. "I did my time for the crimes I committed and that's all in the past. No, this would be concealing evidence or something...and besides, I don't trust cops. Never have, probably never will."
"Not much you can do then." Chevonne decided. "Hey, chin up, Sadie. He might not be coming to Brum to see you. After all, it's a damn big city. Lots of people here, lowlifes among em. Maybe he's here for that reason. I mean, it has been a while, right?"
"Yeah, true." Sadie nodded. She sighed. "Chevonne, this isn't to go past here and now, you got me? Not even Jessica knows this stuff...and I shouldn't have told you. It's just..."
"You were being a good counsellor and leading by example." Chevonne winked. "It's cool, Sadie. I wouldn't betray you. You've never betrayed me."
"Of course not." Sadie raised another slight smile. "I don't break my word."
"Well, me neither." Chevonne said resolutely. "And now I'm gonna take your mind off it by asking you what in hell you think that bimbo sees in Tony?"
"Perhaps she's in love with him?" Sadie suggested. Chevonne pulled a face.
"Like hell she is. Who could be?" She demanded. Despite herself, Sadie grinned.
"Someone sitting not too far away from me, that'd be my guess." she returned.
"You cheeky cow!" Chevonne looked indignant.
"Well, like I said, if it fits..." Sadie shrugged.
Chevonne pursed her lips.
"Would it be really terrible if you were right and I did?" She asked at length.
Sadie smiled.
"No, of course not." She responded. "Do you?"
"Dunno." Chevonne admitted. "Tony's like my best friend, other than you, of course, and we've been through so much crap here together he's kinda like my brother too. But...well, I don't like that bitch of his. She's an airhead, she laughs too loud and she chews with her mouth open." She looked rueful. "Guess I'm jealous. Thing is I didn't know till he started up with her."
"Life's like that." Sadie said philosophically.
"Life stinks." Chevonne responded bluntly, stubbing out her cigarette. "Mean to quit those, by the way."
"So I see." Sadie remarked. Chevonne rolled her eyes.
"Hey, you can talk." She responded. There was a pause, then, " you think Tony really likes this chick?"
"I don't know." Sadie replied honestly. "But really, Chevonne, I've been surprised for a long time that you and he haven't gotten it on together. You'd make a great couple and there are definitely sparks. Give it him what he's missing a little and see what happens. Huh?"
"Mm. Okay." Chevonne's expression became impish once more. "Can do." She stood, pulling her companion to her feet. "And listen, Sade - whoever this creepy guy is, put him outta your head. You don't need it."
"I'll try." Sadie promised. "It helped to talk some, actually."
"Well, duh. I thought you;d know that, being a counsellor and all." Chevonne rolled her eyes. "You better be careful else I'll be after your job!"

Sadie's Diary: August 27th, 2013
Chapter One: Jewel
Sadie's Diary: August 28th, 2013
Chapter Two: Topaz's Bombshell
Chapter Three: News
Sadie's Diary: August 30th, 2013
Chapter Four: Award Night
Chapter Five: A Refuge
Chapter Six: An Old Foe
Chapter Seven: Jetta's Advice
Sadie's Diary: September 1st, 2013
Chapter Eight: Sadie Acts
Chapter Nine: Dilemma at the Music Company
Sadie's Diary: September 3rd, 2013
Chapter Ten: A Change Of Plan
Chapter Eleven: A Journey
Sadie's Diary: September 4th, 2013
Chapter Twelve: Girl's Night

Copper, Nancy, Sylva, Anna, Blade, Raesha, Sirena, Topaz, Aaron, Sophie, Justin, Elliot, Rosita, Luis and any other characters in this fiction which do not appear in the animated Jem series are copyrighted to me (E.A Woolley) as of January 2002 <unless otherwise specified> and are not to be reproduced without permission ANYWHERE. Jetta, Pizzazz, Stormer, Roxy, Raya and all other original Jem characters are the copyright of Hasbro Inc, Sunbow, Christy Marx and the other writers of the Jem series. The future world of Pizzazz, Raya, Jetta, Roxy, Stormer, Clash, Synergy, the fate of Jem and her memorial are all copyrighted to me. The future world of Kimber and Shana is copyrighted jointly to myself and Gemma Dawn.
The concept of 'Jewel' is entirely my own, and any apparent link with any fictional or actual person or persons of this name is entirely coincidental. Equally the characters in this fiction are not based on any real life individual.
The concept behind the future world of Danse, Aja and Craig, the idea behind Jerrica's futureworld and the split of the Holograms is copyrighted to Gemma Dawn, whose Teenangel Outsiders fiction is directly twinned with Just a Dream. The character Sammi and any of the other Teenangel Outsider characters mentioned in this fiction are entirely copyright to Gemma Dawn and appear here only with her permission.
Pay her page a visit!