Don't Look Back
(A Sadie Saga)
Sadie's Diary: September 1st, 2013

 September 1st, 2013
Dear Diary,
                  I have no idea how to put properly into words what happened last night. I'm up in Alyssa's guest bedroom and I'm supposed to be asleep but I can't get back off after the horrible dreams I was having. It's awful, Diary, so awful that I've literally just been lying here crying into my pillow for the last half an hour. In the end I decided to grab some sheets of scrap paper from Alyssa's notebook and scrawl down how I'm feeling. I'm hoping Irene's ideas of self-therapy are going to hold good, because I really need to get some perspective on this.

I'm not going to work today, I called in sick. That's an understatement, if you ask me. My arms are aching like anything from what happened and I'm bruised and battered all over. When I had my bath last night I found I even had bruises right across my ribs - and of course, I cried so much that my stomach and my chest hurt and I began wheezing. I haven't had an asthma attack in nearly a year but I had one last night. It's just a good thing I keep an inhaler in my purse at all times, else I'd have been in trouble. Needless to say, Alyssa confiscated my cigarettes after that, and needless to say that isn't helping me much right now.

Sharita went to school and Meg to nursery without seeing me this morning. Apparently Shari heard me arrive last night and asked questions but Andrew told her I was feeling ill and wasn't to be disturbed. He wasn't kidding, either. I feel like utter crap. Mind you, a hug from the girls would have helped. I guess I can understand Andrew's motives, though. Seeing me like this might freak them out - I've barely stopped crying and I've big purplish marks all over me.

Still, in that sense, I'll heal. It's emotionally I'm not so sure about. This guy knows where I live, and I know his intentions. He made that clear enough last night. A loose end, he called me. I know he's capable of killing someone - hell, I've seen him do it, albeit accidentally. I don't want to become another of his victims! I've worked so hard to turn my life around and right now it feels like it doesn't matter. Whatever happens I'm tied to this creep and I might as well not have bothered.

Ok, I have to get out of that frame of mind. It's dangerous, thinking that way. When I was in detox I only ever relapsed if I thought along those lines. I have to get my head around this and think of a way out. I fought too much to make myself a respectable girl with a good job and independance. I want to keep that. And I want to keep my life, if it's at all possible. But one thing is crystal clear. I can't stay here in Birmingham. It's not safe at the moment and it may never be again. I have to go somewhere else. But where? Think, Sadie!

Dad is in Kent and Kent is the heart of Neal's territory, so that's a no go area. My brother Mark is in Staffordshire at the moment, but I don't know if getting him involved would be more harm than good. I don't have any other family I can think of. No grandparents surviving, and Mum and Dad were both only children. Not many friends to fall back on, either. Most of the friends I do have are here in the city and that's no good. Neal's here. That makes it not safe.

Ooh. I just had an idea. It's a damn crazy idea, but it's an idea nonetheless and it's the best idea I've come up with thus far. Surely...if I was in Los Angeles...Neal couldn't get me there! Surely there's no way that, if somehow I could find the money to go out to visit Topaz in California, he could chase me there. I'd be safe for sure! And she's always saying that I'm welcome anytime. Well, perhaps I need to work out how to put that into practice. The sooner the better, too. I have about three quarters of the amount it'd take to fly out to Los Angeles from Heathrow according to the British Airways website. I've been saving up to go out there, anyhow. I wonder...if Alyssa might lend me the rest. She wouldn't if she knew precisely what I was planning, but it's got to be worth a shot, and if I told her I needed the money to go stay with a friend for a bit, till things calm down, well, I'm sure she'd trust me. It's not like I'm still involved with drugs, after all. And even better, I could fly from Birmingham! It's closer and I know which train to catch - since I get the train to work, noone would think me going to the station was at all odd!

I'll have to go back home, and find my passport. I hope it hasn't gotten lost - I've only used it that once, when Cece dragged me on that boat to Spain for a long weekend at some sleazy beach resort. Still, it's a valid passport and that's a start. Maybe I need to give this some serious thought.
I won't tell anyone what I'm planning, though. I'll give in my notice at work, say I'm going away for a bit and need some headspace. I'll tell Cece the same, and just collect up the things I need and go. Topaz flies from LAX all the time so it can't be that far to the Starlight Mansion from the airport.

I feel kinda better now I have a plan in mind. Guess this diary thing does work, after all.

Sadie's Diary: August 27th, 2013
Chapter One: Jewel
Sadie's Diary: August 28th, 2013
Chapter Two: Topaz's Bombshell
Chapter Three: News
Sadie's Diary: August 30th, 2013
Chapter Four: Award Night
Chapter Five: A Refuge
Chapter Six: An Old Foe
Chapter Seven: Jetta's Advice
Sadie's Diary: September 1st, 2013
Chapter Eight: Sadie Acts
Chapter Nine: Dilemma at the Music Company
Sadie's Diary: September 3rd, 2013
Chapter Ten: A Change Of Plan
Chapter Eleven: A Journey
Sadie's Diary: September 4th, 2013
Chapter Twelve: Girl's Night

Copper, Nancy, Sylva, Anna, Blade, Raesha, Sirena, Topaz, Aaron, Sophie, Justin, Elliot, Rosita, Luis and any other characters in this fiction which do not appear in the animated Jem series are copyrighted to me (E.A Woolley) as of January 2002 <unless otherwise specified> and are not to be reproduced without permission ANYWHERE. Jetta, Pizzazz, Stormer, Roxy, Raya and all other original Jem characters are the copyright of Hasbro Inc, Sunbow, Christy Marx and the other writers of the Jem series. The future world of Pizzazz, Raya, Jetta, Roxy, Stormer, Clash, Synergy, the fate of Jem and her memorial are all copyrighted to me. The future world of Kimber and Shana is copyrighted jointly to myself and Gemma Dawn.
The concept of 'Jewel' is entirely my own, and any apparent link with any fictional or actual person or persons of this name is entirely coincidental. Equally the characters in this fiction are not based on any real life individual.
The concept behind the future world of Danse, Aja and Craig, the idea behind Jerrica's futureworld and the split of the Holograms is copyrighted to Gemma Dawn, whose Teenangel Outsiders fiction is directly twinned with Just a Dream. The character Sammi and any of the other Teenangel Outsider characters mentioned in this fiction are entirely copyright to Gemma Dawn and appear here only with her permission.
Pay her page a visit!